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Seth Adams is a student in southern Maine.
For a while now, I have been sitting on whether to have my opinion published for the online naysayers, opponents and keyboard bullies to view and negatively comment on. The truth is, it appears those who most loudly object to the views of others are those who refuse to further their education or seek to truly understand.
As a proud trans man, someone who was assigned female at birth, I knew from approximately the age of 3 or 4 that I was a boy. I never felt comfortable in my body, preferring to play with my male peers in my homemade sandbox. I chose the Hot Wheels Happy Meal versus the Barbie meal every time. I took great satisfaction in torturing my sister, who is 4 years older, by running her dolls over with my cars or once, to her great dismay, popping the head off her prized Skipper doll, which would be worth a lot of money today.
I knew I was a boy before the internet was readily available. Social media certainly was not even a thought yet. I learned to read in kindergarten into the first grade, breezing through the Boxcar Children series, dreaming of living in my own boxcar as one of the male characters. I would make up childhood games that always featured me as the boy.
My parents were not politically aligned with one another, often respectfully disagreeing on many issues. Somehow my sister and I managed to lead very typical childhoods without much influence from adult figures. We learned to be free-thinkers and to follow basic morals, such as not stealing, and being kind to others.
I certainly never had anyone, adult or peer, feeding me terminology based around gender identity or sexual orientation. I was much older once I heard the term “transgender” and instead of influencing me in any way, it simply dawned on me that I could finally better explain how I felt.
As a senior in high school, I tried coming out as a lesbian, but I knew this was the wrong label. I did not fit in with female peers, I detested dressing up in so-called female attire, and felt such a longing to go prom shopping for a tux versus a dress. Although I knew I was not a girl or young woman, I began seeing the emergence of hate toward those that were different. Coming out as gay was challenging enough, there certainly was no way for me to share who I really was.
Fast forward to 2016. My mom unexpectedly passed away in 2015, making my dad a widower. I had been gearing up to tell both of them that I was transitioning to be better aligned in my body and mind, but unfortunately that had to be placed on the back burner while I helped my father grieve.
In 2016, I wrote a letter to my very conservative father and learned that he was quite upset. My sister never wavered with her support for me. I lost close friends, and dating just seemed much more complicated.
I wanted to join the Navy to follow in my father’s footsteps, but some physical health issues made that challenging, only to be further challenged by various attempts at banning transgender individuals from serving their country.
Although it was a rocky start to my transition, I carried on. My overall mood improved, I felt genuine and the euphoria I experienced was indescribable.
At nearly 39 years of age, I feel proud to be a decent, hard-working college student and employee. I leave room for people to have their own opinions, but leave zero room or tolerance for the hateful rhetoric.
Segregating trans athletes from their peers is not the type of sportsmanship we should be encouraging and fostering. We need to teach our youth to be compassionate and open-minded. We have a responsibility as adults to lessen the amount of bullying marginalized folks experience. Death by suicide should never be encouraged by anyone, let alone grown adults. As my sister once said to our father: “Would you rather have a dead daughter or a happy, alive son?”
My heart hurts for the young women of Maine who just want to play sports. Their physical makeup does not define their athletic abilities. Hormones do not define abilities. It is no one’s business or place to share personal medical information about anyone.
The misinformation and fear-mongering also has no place in our society; trans minors are not typically having radical gender-affirming surgeries performed, nor are they likely being influenced by parents or peers. For some, a name change and different pronouns can be incredibly validating, while others may be placed on puberty blockers to alleviate the already stressful time of adolescence.
It is OK to be Republican, but it is also OK to understand that critical thinking skills are imperative when thinking about marginalized communities. Party affiliations do not need to define any of us.